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rectang 3 minutes ago [-]
> He Could Hold the Secrets to Defying Death
The struggles for limited resources among humans marooned in a finite ecosystem will not allow us to defy death. When natural causes no longer reduce our numbers sufficiently, we will be winnowed through an unceasing epidemic of violence. So long as there are births, there will be deaths.
If you thought the dementia dystopia brought about by modern medicine's gradual reduction of quick death was grim, just wait until medicine solves natural death entirely.
Tortoises who give up their secrets to humans won't survive the cataclysm.
scun 6 hours ago [-]
> The results revealed that Jonathan has “unique gene variants in most aging pathways” including DNA repair, insulin regulation, mitochondrial function, and “low entropy” methylation, reports the study.
min-maxing longevity vs speed and charisma
luipugs 5 hours ago [-]
I dunno, I think he's pretty charismatic. He has all these researchers wanting to spend time with him.
scun 5 hours ago [-]
Sure but biologists will talk to anything. You know what happened to the other tortoises? Bored to death.
DrMandalay 25 minutes ago [-]
The oldest gay tortoise there is. You can hear the grunts when he and Frederick are fucking from the other side of the valley.
PalmPilotProMax 2 hours ago [-]
Yeah, but is he more charismatic than Bryan Johnson?
Wait till he gets his hands on turtle semen and peptides
kspacewalk2 3 hours ago [-]
The hare really ought to take notes
Ancalagon 6 hours ago [-]
He doesn't look a day over 90!
F3nd0 4 hours ago [-]
> He doesn't look a day over 90!
He still has quite a ways to go to 1485715964481761497309522733620825737885569961284688766942216863704985393094065876545992131370884059645617234469978112000000000000000000000. :-)
usernametaken29 2 hours ago [-]
Hell yeah I’m down to become a turtle. Lay by the beach. Eat kelp. Awesome
He has a pm unusually large volume and has been around an unusually long time and they are the group responsible for anomalies in space-time.
dyauspitr 6 hours ago [-]
Interesting so the oldest land animal hasn’t cracked 200 but stuff that lives in the sea can go for five or 600 years or more.
mrheosuper 4 hours ago [-]
Maybe leaving the water is a mistake...
bmitc 3 hours ago [-]
Whales seemed to have figured that out.
altmanaltman 36 minutes ago [-]
I mean their ancestor was a land mamal that decided to go live in water so they kind of did figure it out.
epolanski 6 hours ago [-]
There's sharks out there that are much older than the United States.
And sponges older than pyramids.
loloquwowndueo 4 hours ago [-]
Older than the United States hahaha.
Remember the saying : in the US, 100 years is a long time; in Europe, 100km is a long distance.
autoexec 4 hours ago [-]
It's still pretty long in the US.
Over an hour by car, and even for people who bicycle regularly riding a century is no joke.
rootusrootus 3 hours ago [-]
By that same sort of metric, 100 years is a long time in Europe, too. Not too many people live that long.
rootusrootus 3 hours ago [-]
How pedantic can we be? There are a number of countries in Europe younger than the United States...
otherme123 2 minutes ago [-]
And we europeans consider them young. What we are pointing is that people in US (and America in general) talks about pre-1776 stuff as they were prehistoric, and pre-1900 stuff as they were comparable to Roman ruins. Add to that that we love to bomb each other to a ruble, and buildings and countries younger than 200 years are viewed as temporary stuff. Nothing pedantic or snobby here, just pointing that we live in different scenarios that affected our views.
skrebbel 37 minutes ago [-]
It’s more like US people look at a couple 100yo buildings and say stuff like “wow this place has a lot of history!”
tick_tock_tick 3 hours ago [-]
Isn't the USA older then pretty much every country in Europe? Maybe the UK could be considered older depending on how you count it and San Marino is there but all the other major ones like Germany, Italy, France, Spain, etc aren't even 100.
jbarberu 4 minutes ago [-]
Sweden would like a word...
Scandiravian 3 hours ago [-]
How in the world can you claim that France is not even 100? The German empire was established in 1857, which is definitely more than 100 years ago; it's also not unreasonable to say that the HRE could be equated to the German state, that Spain is the continuation of Castille, and that the Roman empire can be considered the direct precursor to Italy
There's a cultural through line for all these countries, often stretching back thousands of years, which means that they reach further back than the definition of the modern state
higginsniggins 1 hours ago [-]
If you're gonna give them credit for stuff like that, then you need to at least give credit to the United States as far back as the Pilgrims in the 1600s.
BuyMyBitcoins 1 hours ago [-]
Perhaps they referenced a source that only considers the French Fifth Republic as “France”? That would give it an age of 68.
3 hours ago [-]
bmitc 3 hours ago [-]
It's interesting how arrogant Europeans can be towards the U.S. when they themselves seeded the U.S.!
bdangubic 3 hours ago [-]
My Dad has a vacuum cleaner that is older than USA
4 hours ago [-]
stubish 2 hours ago [-]
And Orange Roughy, available in Australian fish and chip shops, spawned around the same time as the first British colony there.
calacatta 4 hours ago [-]
Every couple Summers
Me and a couple hunters
Like to row in from the Isle of
Astonishing M*erf*ers
stepwisecalc 1 hours ago [-]
ok
antonvs 5 hours ago [-]
> Stephen Clark, an aging researcher
Shouldn’t they find a younger researcher?
aix1 2 hours ago [-]
Ideally one called Jonathan?
fahrvrgnugen 2 hours ago [-]
[dead]
repeekad 5 hours ago [-]
> the samples were delivered from Saint Helena to Florida by the U.S. Space Force.
...why space force?
sublinear 5 hours ago [-]
It's a remote area and USSF has operations in nearby Ascension Island.
DrMandalay 23 minutes ago [-]
St Helena is where the minimum wage workers on Ascension come from. It only exists to provide cheap labour to Britain's Atlantic territories.
fnordpiglet 5 hours ago [-]
Because Trump, Musk, et al are hoping to live forever but their lifestyle is not very forgiving - hence all haste.
kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 4 hours ago [-]
Y'all see Trump and Elon in everything.
Mistletoe 3 hours ago [-]
[flagged]
roarcher 56 minutes ago [-]
You think it's cringe because it was created by Trump (Musk wasn't involved, not sure where you got that).
The Space Force's role was previously split across military branches with overlapping budgets and poor communication. And since space duties weren't the primary focus of any of those branches, they weren't taken seriously and career tracks within them were stunted, making it hard to attract talent.
Hate Trump all you want, but if your analysis stops at "cringe", consider that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
verdverm 5 hours ago [-]
he's so old, he's completely lost the hare /j
samudrijan 6 hours ago [-]
In the Leftovers people think living in Jarden is why they were left. Maybe St Helena is the new Jarden.
pil0u 6 hours ago [-]
Can't we just appreciate that exceptionality as it is?
Somehow, I wish we would leave that creature alone. For once.
fnordpiglet 5 hours ago [-]
They did opt to swab his mouth rather than draw blood to minimize his discomfort. That seems like a pretty reasonable compromise for the value of learning and science
The struggles for limited resources among humans marooned in a finite ecosystem will not allow us to defy death. When natural causes no longer reduce our numbers sufficiently, we will be winnowed through an unceasing epidemic of violence. So long as there are births, there will be deaths.
If you thought the dementia dystopia brought about by modern medicine's gradual reduction of quick death was grim, just wait until medicine solves natural death entirely.
Tortoises who give up their secrets to humans won't survive the cataclysm.
min-maxing longevity vs speed and charisma
Wait till he gets his hands on turtle semen and peptides
He still has quite a ways to go to 1485715964481761497309522733620825737885569961284688766942216863704985393094065876545992131370884059645617234469978112000000000000000000000. :-)
And sponges older than pyramids.
Remember the saying : in the US, 100 years is a long time; in Europe, 100km is a long distance.
There's a cultural through line for all these countries, often stretching back thousands of years, which means that they reach further back than the definition of the modern state
Me and a couple hunters
Like to row in from the Isle of
Astonishing M*erf*ers
Shouldn’t they find a younger researcher?
...why space force?
The Space Force's role was previously split across military branches with overlapping budgets and poor communication. And since space duties weren't the primary focus of any of those branches, they weren't taken seriously and career tracks within them were stunted, making it hard to attract talent.
Hate Trump all you want, but if your analysis stops at "cringe", consider that you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
Somehow, I wish we would leave that creature alone. For once.